Welcome to the latest post in our Closer series — a look at how technology brings couples, family, and close friends closer. Eric and Heather are in their thirties and have been married for 11 years. They are raising three children in Orange County, CA.

Unbucket: What technology (applications, websites, etc.) brings you closer to each other?

Heather: I think texting is a big one.

Eric: Texting and emailing, these are the simple ones. We also share our Google calendars.

Heather: We do FaceTime too.

Eric: Yeah, that’s a good one. When I travel and can find internet access, it’s kind of fun to do FaceTime and walk the kids around where I am. Also, Instagram and Photostream. We’re always texting each other, you know, “Check my Instagram out.”

Heather: What about music? We’re really big into playing music for the kids and for us, during dinner or just when we’re cleaning.

Eric: Yeah, we share an iTunes account with music, and then we also have Spotify where both of our phones are synced to get the same playlists.

Unbucket: Anything else come to mind?

Eric: Heather uses the “Find my iPhone” app quite often (Heather laughs) but not in the way that you’d expect. I often forget to call when I leave work, and she’s trying to cook dinner, so if it’s around five-thirty or six she’ll check to see if my phone is still at the office or not (Heather laughs again). One time I texted her and was like, “Hey, almost home, at the five and fifty-five,” and she texts back, “Already know!” with a smiley face!

Heather: Yeah, I definitely use it, not to stalk him, but just to figure out if he’s going to make it to dinner when I haven’t heard from him.

Eric: We used to connect over Draw Something too, but my wife hasn’t drawn anything in about a month!

Heather: Yeah, that was fun for us. We would play against each other, but we always knew what the other was thinking so we never didn’t get each other’s drawings.

Eric: It’s funny because, as simple as it is, we use texting for a lot of stuff. For instance, if I’m going to the store, she’ll send me a shopping list or I’ll send her a photo, like, “Is this the right thing?”

Heather: What about the HoneyDo app?

Eric: Yeah, we’ve also done Toodledo. I think the more complicated the technology gets, the more I think it gets in the way of us connecting. All these things we talked about, the similarities are just pure communication, just a vehicle to communicate. I’d say personally, texting is by far, it sounds so vanilla, but is by far the number one thing.

Unbucket: How does privacy factor into the technology you use to connect with each other?

Eric: We’re pretty transparent from a privacy perspective internally, like husband and wife. I think the further our circles expand outside of our relationship, the more private we become. We have a close group of friends where we share some things. I don’t know, what do you think about privacy?

Heather: I’m pretty cautious in regards to everybody knowing everything. I don’t do Twitter, I don’t post on my Facebook my thoughts or whatever, I just post pictures.

Eric: But your Instagram account is anybody can see it or is it private?

Heather: It’s private.

Eric: You have people that you don’t accept on Facebook too.

Heather: Yeah. You’re more open.

Eric: A little bit in certain ways. My Instagram is public, I tweet. But see, I’m the opposite on Facebook. I don’t like people to see my photos if I don’t know them.

Unbucket: What about with your kids?

Eric: Our kids are starting to end up on the computer when we don’t realize it. So I think we’re kind of at the stage where we’re trying to understand how much freedom we give them or how much privacy we give them. You don’t want to open Pandora’s box, but sometimes I think the more we make privacy an issue, the more it can become one. Heather, what do you think?

Heather: I think right now they feel pretty safe. They don’t feel worried about anything, but I think we allow them a lot of freedom so they don’t feel afraid. Our oldest is turning ten and we’d talked about getting her an iPod touch…

Eric: Or an iPhone.

Heather: …and we’re just really nervous. Half of her class has phones already. They do YouTube and they do Facebook and they already do a lot of stuff that makes us nervous.

Eric: I’m not as concerned about the types of apps they use or the types of content they’ll look at. I get more concerned about them sharing themselves to a world outside of their own.

Unbucket: As a society, do you think technology is bringing us closer or driving us apart?

Eric: I would say that it helps us with our external sphere of people more than it helps us with each other. I guess though, can you imagine a day where I go on a trip and the only way I can talk with you is on the hotel phone or a pay phone, and that’s the only way you can get a hold of me?

Heather: For me, I feel like an old lady in some ways, and Eric keeps dragging me along with technology like, “This is where we’re going, get on board!” I think there are a lot of great things that I can’t deny that I personally benefit from, like when Eric’s gone and just tons of different things.

But in some ways I feel like technology kind of disables us from the intimacy of one-on-one connectedness. Sometimes I’ll say, “Let’s have a weekend where we put our phones down and we don’t do any technology, as a family.” There’s a balance I think and sometimes it’s hard to find that balance. I think Eric and I are good for each other because we’re both a little bit on opposite ends and we kind of bring each other back to the middle.

Eric: It’s interesting, twenty years ago you graduate from high-school and you never see people again, and now you’re commenting on photos of their kids’ birth. At the same time, twenty years ago you go out to dinner and there weren’t even StarTAC cell phones. All you had was what’s right across from you and the experience itself. Now you’re distracted, I mean how many times do you go to dinner and see people at the same table all in their own little social world through their phones?

Heather: We do that too! We have to be careful of that when we go out.

Eric: Totally! There are times when we’ll go out and switch phones. I’ll give her mine and she’ll give me hers. We’ll still have our phones if someone calls, but we won’t be as tempted to use them.

But then again, we have a  group from our church that meets at our house weekly and we use GroupMe to keep in contact. Today someone said, “My grandma’s going in for surgery and I’m really freaked out,” and we talked about that, or sometimes some of the guys will be like, “Anyone doing anything tonight? Let’s go have a beer.” It’s interesting, there are certain ways that technology really brings us together too.

Welcome to the latest post in our Closer series, a look at how technology brings couples, cousins (i.e. family), and close friends closer. Nina and Natalia are sisters in their twenties living on opposite sides of the Atlantic, Nina in London away at business school and Natalia in New York City.

Unbucket: What technology (applications, websites, etc.) bring you closer to each other?

Nina: I think it’s mainly Skype with us — and email. We use Skype once a week, every week, and then sometimes a little bit more. I think that’s our main thing — and then email. Oh, sometimes Facebook; sometimes I don’t even realize Natalia is doing something and she posts it on Facebook and I’m clued into like, someone’s birthday party or seeing a photo, or something like that.

Natalia: I would definitely say we use email to check in if someone’s around or to give quick updates if it’s been a while. Skype allows us to see each other face to face. It’s nice; my family was having breakfast the other day and Nina was eating lunch with us on Skype, so it didn’t feel like she was in London and we were here [in New York].

There’s also Slingbox. The Slingbox is cool because I set it up in Nina’s room at home because she likes to watch her TV shows in the US. It’s connected to her TV in London, so we can be watching our same TV shows and talk about what happened on them. We still have our TV shows that we recap, like I like to watch Parenthood or she does her Grey’s Anatomy episodes. It’s not like we can’t watch the same TV shows just because she’s on a different continent.

Nina: Yeah, that’s true. I didn’t even think of that one.

Natalia: I know Nina wants me to get this little, I don’t know, what’s that stupid text thing you want me to get?

Nina: Elliot introduced me to that Natalia! My Blackberry is so fricken old that I can’t use it, but you know what’s interesting is, if I were more mobilely advanced than I am right now, I think we would keep in touch more regularly, but I think because I don’t text her all the time, it’s nice because we catch up when we have this space between. I think we’ve always been literally on top of each other and technology has given us this space in which we communicate…which is neat.

Unbucket: How does privacy factor into the technology you use to connect with each other?

Nina: So I personally don’t love Facebook, but I also realize I have, I don’t know, 900 and some odd friends on there. So it’s interesting because I prefer to take the mediums off the public domain, per se. I think in that respect I don’t necessarily think of Facebook first. If you notice, everything we listed is very private; Gmail is one-to-one, Skyping is one-to-one — but that’s just my own thing. What we put on Facebook, like, Natalia came shooting when she was in town, and that’s something you want to share with everyone. We would post stuff from that, you know? As long as I control what I want to be out there, then I’m okay with it.

Natalia: I don’t really think about the privacy issue. I don’t know, I’m not into that. I mean maybe if there was one of those Big Brother conspiracies, but, I’m okay — I don’t have anything to hide. If someone wants to listen to my conversation then they are more than welcome too.

(Nina laughs hysterically)

Unbucket: As a society, do you think technology is bringing us closer or driving us apart?

Natalia: I’ll take this one Nina. I think it’s bringing us absolutely closer. There are pros and cons, like I feel if this was ten years ago Nina would be sending me postcards or I would make more of an effort to send a care package. I think we forget about the more thoughtful things because technology makes it so easy to send an e-Card or just send an email instead of paying for a stamp. I feel like those things are the downfall, but for the most part I feel technology connects us, allowing Nina and I to never feel like we’re in some long distance relationship but as though nothing’s really changed, it’s just that I can’t physically touch her. We’re still the same people and she knows everything going on in my life and I know everything going on in hers.

Nina: To add to that point, I think that’s why I don’t like Facebook as much as a lot of  people do because I feel it takes the personal out of the interactions I have with technology. Like Natalia mentioned, the other day I literally had a meal with my parents. I was eating lunch and my parents and my sister were eating breakfast, and we sat around the table and talked. I would get turned around to see them, people were coming in and out — it was amazing! I think when I lived in Europe five years ago I had a cell phone and talked to my parents once a week. Technology today makes everything seem less far away. I think that’s an amazing gift to have and to be given, especially since we’re first generation American kids. We didn’t see our grandparents all the time, but now our little cousin Yalini takes an iPhone out and Skypes her grandparents in New Delhi and they read her a book before bed. It’s so amazing how technology changes the way your relationships feel and what you think is “near.” That is what’s allowed me to be in London and not feel so far away.

This is the first in our Closer series, a look at how technology brings couples, cousins (i.e. family), and close friends closer. Cam and Alex are a married couple in their late 20’s living in Manhattan.

Unbucket: What technology (applications, websites, etc.) bring you closer to each other?

Cam: I think one of the first things we did once we became more serious in our relationship is share a Google Calendar. That’s more from a logistical standpoint, just helping us keep track of social things, when he has things with work that I should know about or maybe if we have ideas of when we’ll be traveling.

Alex: BBM, text message, uh, poking on Facebook!

Cam: Let’s take this back a notch, let’s be honest: I like to poke him, and I get offended when he doesn’t accept my poke. That’s because he doesn’t use that feature of Facebook, it’s not important to him (Alex: Yep), but I personally enjoy the pokage. In terms of what brings us closer, we enjoy playing games on my iPhone. If we’re ever on a train or we’re traveling, we’ve played Draw Something together and we’ll crack up.

Alex: Word Mole

Cam: That’s not even an app!

Alex: It’s like the one game that’s on the Blackberry.

Cam: Oh, Word Mole (laughs). I’m talking about specific apps that we might play together. Alex would enjoy apps if he could have them more (his employer heavily restricts his Blackberry) but when we have downtime, or we’re in an airport where we need to entertain ourselves, games are something we share together. It might not be a situation where the other person is on the other end of the technology, but it’s still us using technology together.

Unbucket: How does privacy factor into the technology you use to connect with each other?

Cam: At least for me personally, privacy is not something that comes to mind, playing games, Google Calendar, I’m very comfortable with the technology.

Alex: Maybe you don’t think about it, but you pretty much hope/assume no one can hack or see your Google Calendar.

Cam: The assumption is there.

Alex: Exactly, the assumption is there. We act like it’s completely private. Sure, plenty of people at Google could see it if they wanted. I don’t even know if someone could get in from the outside.

Cam: I don’t know if this has something to do with us using technology together, but both of us individually are very careful about privacy with Facebook. I’m unsearchable and Alex has a picture from his childhood as his profile photo so that he isn’t recognizable. I’m very wary about the photos of him I post on Facebook because he has friends on there from business school, and even though they are friendly colleagues, there are things I wouldn’t want them to see. We’re both thoughtful if we’re going to use Facebook in that way.

Beyond that, for the most part, assumptions are being made. It’s not that we don’t care that there’s no privacy, it’s just that we assume that privacy settings have been put in place.

Unbucket: As a society, do you think technology is bringing us closer or driving us apart?

Cam: I think it’s pulling your close relationships closer, but I don’t think it’s necessarily improving acquaintance type relationships. Some people of an older generation might view it in a way that technology makes you not as close because you’re typing and texting rather than talking and seeing people. I think a lot of times they aren’t seeing the benefits and ease, and that they’re being reactionary. I think most people of my age group believe it’s benefiting relationships.

Alex: I think technology is adding transparency to people’s relationships, and transparency will naturally drive people closer, but I think there’s a potential for backlash where too much transparency makes people feel uncomfortable.

Cam: I agree with that. It depends on your relationship with someone, with certain friends or people I’m closer with, I think that transparency does make us closer.